


again, again

by starslooklike



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, No Spoilers, Unrequited Yearning, i just wanted these two to interact honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26526748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starslooklike/pseuds/starslooklike
Summary: audrey wants to try riding a motorcyle, so james teaches her
Relationships: Audrey Horne & James Hurley
Kudos: 3





	again, again

**Author's Note:**

> i got into fanfiction because of twin peaks, mainly because there were way too many relationships i wanted to see more of. i feel like audrey and james are both super intelligent and thoughtful kids who would mesh well, so here's them interacting :)

donna cocked her eyebrow at audrey and pursed her thin lips. "you're asking me to introduce you to james?" her voice took a sharper edge and she said, "what do you need from him?"

"it's not like that, donna." audrey's protest rang out in the bathroom, reverberating against the empty stalls. "i just want him to teach me to ride his bike."

donna coughed up a short laugh. "you want to ride his motorcycle?"

"oh, shut up." audrey's usual pout broke into a genuine smile at donna's implication. her lipstick was a little fuzzy on the edge and it softened donna. audrey was always so pristine that even the most minor mistake made her more endearing.

"i mean it, it's not like that. you know who i'd rather, well, be with." she leaned against the sink and slid her hand across the smooth porcelain, taking the moment to let out a dreamy sigh. "anyway. you know. daddy doesn't let me drive, no one will teach me." she trailed off again and checked her face in the mirror, immediately touching up the smudged corner of her lipstick. she turned back to donna and, with her patented smile and lilting voice, her perkiness only lightly grating donna, said, "you'll do it, won't you?"

she did. donna told james that night as they ate at the double r what audrey wanted. he studied donna's face as she mentioned it with an offhand comment. she was always so worried about being second-best, even if she wouldn't admit it, but he could see behind the cold, stoic expression she always wore that she held a softness towards audrey. he knew that would make her willing to see the girl have fun -- so long as it wasn't at her expense. "okay." james nodded. the fur on his hood scratched his stubble as he shrugged. he put his hands on the table and reached out to take hers. "wanna come?"

donna shook her head. "no," she said. "have fun." she opened her mouth as though to speak but looked instead towards shelly pouring coffee at the counter. he took his hands from hers and leaned forward, placing his palms on the soft skin of her angled jawline over the shiny table. he started with a small kiss on her cheek, then turned her face to him and placed another small kiss on her lips.

audrey clambered onto the motorcyle with less grace than she was accustomed to. she swore under her breath and tucked her skirt between her legs. she left a pointed amount of room between the two and only just grazed her hands on his sides, raising one to wave goodbye to donna.

they were headed to the mountains. as james slung the bike expertly through the curving roads, a loosening she didn't expect flowed through her. she was never aware of the tension that kept her posture so prim, her breath even, her dreaminess nipped in so it didn't spill out unless she wanted it to.

but as they rode up the mountain, the dreaminess was untamed; she found herself marveling at the richness of the orange and pink sunset, at the sensual pleasure of the cold, but gentle, wind on her exposed forearms, and especially at the ease with which her thoughts flowed and how little focus she gave any of them.

she settled in closer to james, buried her cheek into the rough fur on his jacket hood, let out a dreamy sigh, and let her thoughts flow unabated. she noted with curiosity a spreading emptiness that felt good, not like hunger, but like floating.

she'd never been outside twin peaks at all. daddy made sure she never left. planes were out of the question; he wouldn't let her go with anyone in cars that he hadn't explicitly approved. mom didn't pay attention to it when audrey would whine, no matter how insistently she shrilled. the motorcyle, though, she found it awe inspiring. there were no walls of wrought metal or fat panes of glass between her and the outside, no chauffeur to open a door so she could slump against the backseat. when james veered a little closer to the edge of the road, she even reached up and tore a thin leaf between her fingers. he looked back at her and met her broad grin with his own smile.

to james, audrey felt like a parody of girlhood. if he let his thoughts drift in her presence, he would find himself tracing the achingly soft curves of her body, but it was her voice that troubled him. it was too perfect, he thought. lilting, smooth, and despite its smoky undertones, that affect -- so  _ girl _ ish -- of the words not meaning anything unless the boy she said it to confirmed it, he thought it must be put on sometimes. there was an incoherency between that silky womanness of her body and the throaty girly voice.

he shook his head quickly, like a cold chill overtook him, a little embarrassed he'd let his thoughts go there. that was when audrey shot her right hand straight out and snagged a corner of a leaf as they rumbled up to a stoplight. he glanced back at her. her smile, this time, was so obviously genuine, the excitement in her eyes palpable. she saw the corners of his lips lift in a mischievous smirk and he turned, revved the engine harder than he normally would, and moved just a bit faster as they took off from the light. it worked as intended to delight her; she shrieked in joy and squeezed the bike between her legs a little harder. the rest of the drive was fast, blindingly so, as james eased their way up to the best straightaway he knew of.

they came to a gentle stop and he popped the kickstand on the bike. audrey took a deep breath and twirled in circles with her arms out. "this weather is dreamy," she breathed. "don't you think so?" he laughed and folded his arms across his chest, leaning against a tree. he tilted his head at the motorcyle.

"you ready?"

"not yet," she murmured. he thought he saw her eyes grow a little wide at the thought of actually driving.

first, she pulled a cigarette from the pack in her pocket and lit it. she puffed a few times, weaving in and out of the trees alongside the path. she would place an open palm on the trunk of a tree, lazily wind around it, and reach for the next with her other palm, snaking her way through the dense forest as he watched. and he did watch her, no longer thinking of her body even as his eyes shone watching her. instead, he was internally reckoning with a feeling he had. it was an undercurrent of love, but he recognized it as the same love he’d had for laura, and it rang through him like a distant tone played on a piano that this was a hollow love. it was the love of a projection, rather than a person. he loved audrey, and laura, for who they’d told him they were.

it was an exhausting thought. since laura’s death, he’d found himself constantly in recognition of things he didn’t want to see. he felt tired, like he’d lived lifetimes in the few weeks since her death. audrey neared him in her lazy twirling, breaking him free from his thoughts. he snagged the cigarette from her hand, making her laugh, and he took a deep drag before crushing it under his boot. he gestured at the bike and said, “hop on.”

he guided her onto the seat. he leaned over her, and although hours prior he’d have felt the aching in his belly of her warm skin touching his, this time he could only barely avoid slipping back into ruminations on love. he pointed to a few controls she’d need to keep in mind and showed her the basics.

they were both surprised that they were going through with this. audrey thought that james might stop her, and james thought that audrey might chicken out. nothing would make either one give in, though -- they craved irresponsibility. they wanted to do something without even beginning to consider what could go wrong.

and, maybe by virtue of that need, nothing did go wrong.

james began by walking her, like a dad guiding his son on his first trike. slowly, he released her, telling her, "go, go, go," chanting it like a prayer more than a command. she did. she took off, surprising herself, and yelled even louder, with even more joy, than earlier. this time, she was in control, and when she was given control she was a natural at whatever she did, james realized. he watched her from where he'd let her go.

she didn't go around any corners or make any dangerous moves, but she wound the bike in lazy serpentine loops on her way back to him. when she made it back, he saw in her face a thrill that he'd never seen on her before. and she saw a loosening on him like the one she'd felt, could see the relaxed slump of his shoulders and the genuine smile on his face.

he steadied the bike as she hopped off and twirled more, almost aggressively. "i did it!" she called loudly, face to the skies. her hair bounced against her back and she even jumped up and down a little. james felt, for just a moment, that he could see why she affected girlhood. when she was happiest, it was genuine; it was when she wasn’t happy that it came out forced.

"james!" she yelled. she was close to him, but so enthralled that she couldn’t help the excitement bubbling out of her. "i did it! i did it!"

he let her ride a few more times. after the first ride, every time she returned, a little cockier and more assured than the last, she’d cock her head to the side and smile at him with a face full of joy. and each time, he’d say, "again?" she’d nod with a grin and take off.

"again?" another nod, another smile.

"again?" yes, again.

the sun had fully fallen and the thrush in the trees trilled loudly as she rolled to a stop. “again?” she shook her head.

she hopped off the bike and sauntered up to him, chewing on her lip, until they were face to face. but as she leaned in to kiss him, he tilted his forehead against hers, blocking her lips from reaching his.

she looked at him, confusion staining her beautiful face, wondering what she'd done wrong. "but i  _ want _ you," she breathed. he shook his head without putting space between them. she began to protest and he cut her off. "but --"

"you don't," he whispered. "you're mixing it up. i'm not what you want." at first, she looked petulant and even a little scared, he assumed at the thought of him telling donna what she'd tried. slowly, a curiosity replaced it. they were silent for a few breaths, feeling what was present as much as what wasn't.

james broke the taut moment by wrapping his arms around her back and drawing her face into his shoulder. audrey sobbed, only once, but she let tears drip onto the leather under her face. he was right, after all. he wasn't what she wanted. she wanted to stay empty. when she'd first noticed it, it was a gentle openness in her belly, and it had expanded all throughout her body as she'd ridden until it felt like she could choose to float off any time she wanted. she wanted that. she thought, maybe, that james could give her that.

as she nestled into his shoulder, he dropped his face against the top of her head and let a few tears of his own drip through. he knew what she was seeking. it's what he wanted, at the end of the day, when he'd dropped off donna, ridden through black streets to home, tossed fitfully in bed, thought of laura. he wanted to float away, too. he did allow himself to kiss the top of her head, one time, before guiding her back to the bike and driving them slowly and carefully down the mountain.

this one wasn't a fast ride, and audrey was grateful, although unaware that james was equally glad to go slow. the ease with which he turned the bike around hairpin corners and down empty streets awed her as much as his restraint back on the mountain. he brought her home, and as she watched him drive off, she thought idly that maybe some day she'd get her own motorcycle. he drove home thinking the same, that maybe she’d get a bike, as he was suddenly, for the first time, aware that they had decades left to live.


End file.
